Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Empty
I keep thinking that I'm ok, that I'm going to carry on. Not like I have a choice. Nothing can bring her back. Coming home to an empty house shatters that illusion. There's no laughter, no singing, just the dog padding down the hall in what often seems a bothered gait, to meet me. Sometimes even she can't be bothered, too lost in a dream to notice I've arrived home. Two days I a row now, I've gone from ok to crap in a matter of moments, just by pulling into the driveway.
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OUCH! Not what you want when you go home. I'm sorry to say I have no great words of wisdom for you - certainly nothing you haven't heard over and over and over to the point of pukedom!! I'm sure it is hard for you to realize just how far you have come thus far, but you really have come a long way in your journey. All you can do is keep plodding along - someday ... someday ... your footsteps really will become lighter. When this hits you, Mark, please try to remember to pray. Our Father in Heaven hears you, I know he does. The prayers don't have to be eloquent - He's not grading with a red pen - He just wants you to talk to Him - lean on Him.
ReplyDeleteI have an idea ... before you get out of the car/truck, pray for strength - before you take your things out of the vehicle, open the door and let Biscuit out to romp - play ball with her - hug her - she is a very affectionate horse and she loves attention. Relax on your front porch - talk to Biscuit - she's a good listener - take a deep breath, whisper another quick prayer, and then you and Biscuit go in the house together. Put on some music - something to occupy your mind.
Now, this idea of mine might sound perfectly goofy, stupid, dumb, or whatever, but ... don't knock it, Mark, until you've tried it at least two times.
Remember that I, along with MANY others, love you dearly. Along with others, I plead with Heavenly Father to comfort you and help you through this terrible trial you are enduring.
Remember that when this life's trials are over, you, Chandler, and Carmen will be together again for the eternities. What a glorious time that will be, Mark.