Tears

Tears come at the most random times these days.  I had a busy day today.  DJ'd a pool party in N Houston then made a mad dash back home to change and then DJ'd a Sweet 16 party.  I played Andy Griggs' "You Won't Ever Be Lonely" at the party tonight.  All I could think about while I was listening to it was that it simply wasn't true.  I didn't cry until I got home.  Something about pulling up to the house knowing that she's not inside waiting for me.  I can't count the nights that I would come home from a party and find her asleep on the couch, or propped up in the bed, waiting on me to get home.  I would wake her up and she'd smile and apologize for falling asleep before I got in.  I miss seeing her sleepy smile.  I miss everything about her.

I've been leaving myself voice notes of things I want to put on this blog.  My problem seems to be the transcribing part.  I babble into my phone for a little bit, and there they stay.  Thus and so, I'm typing this now instead of talking to my phone. 
It's been a bad evening.  I sat out on my back porch this evening and cried for about 10 minutes.  Not watery eyes, but deep sobs.  I'm sure my lack of sleep - DJ'd Project Grad last night, then a pool party this afternoon - lack of eating, and forgetting to take my meds yesterday and today all contributed to that.  I know the biggest factor is that I miss her.  Every moment of every day.  I feel so alone without her here with me.