It was fourteen days ago today that I last heard her voice. Her voice that woke me with a phone call telling me she was having a panic attack and needed me to calm her down. I did just that. As we talked, her blood pressure went back to normal, we talked about our plans for that day - hers, mine, ours. It was a bit odd to talk about ours because it was a bit odd for me to be coming home on a Tuesday. She was feeling better as our conversation neared it's end. It didn't end as normal. It ended with me hearing her last breaths.
I avoided everyone and everything I could today. Valentine's Day. How am I supposed to celebrate a day of love when my eternal love isn't here with me? Instead, I wondered from room to room in the house. Not doing or seeing, just existing. I celebrated the victory of getting out of the bed by soaking in the tub. Our tub. We kept laughing and saying that it was shrinking as the years passed as we didn't fit quite as well as when we first installed it. It feels huge now without her in there with me.
